Found Opportunities

Yesterday was the final article in the Christmas Week marathon. Today, I'm moving from Lost Opportunities to Found Opportunities. A better description would use the word active, but title continuity refuted this idea.  

Lost opportunities are passive. These are invitations presenting themselves as available for participation. Being 'mindful' will help us notice these invitations. If we neglect to act, we have lost the opportunity.

Christmas Week, Saturday Day 7 - Lost Opportunities

 This past Monday, I received the following email reminder. 

When I read this email, brain synapses sparked searching for long-forgotten audio. Amazingly, the process successfully retrieved memories of some announcer in some recording saying, "That is all" in the most monotonal voice imaginable.  The phrase is typically understood to be dismissive and rude, as I understand it. It's the way I thought about this email. "Information for you. That is all."

Christmas Week, Friday Day 6 - PEACE

PEACE ON EARTH

I searched online and then took a sight-seeing drive.  People decorating houses for the holidays can be quite creative. Traditional displays sit next to the unusual and spectacular. I was looking for something that used to be common.  

Christmas Week, Thursday Day 5 - Construction

Already, even before we begin, you're thinking, "This guy is either on another planet or off one of his weird adventures. Christmas Eve and he wants to talk about construction." 

Bear with me.  I'll make the connection and I'll make it short. Well, maybe.

In case you're interested, the Do-It-Yourself concept is alive and well.  People are doing everything imaginable without the aid of professionals.  

Christmas Week, Wednesday Day 4 - Christmas Everywhere

Some people love to sing and some love listening to people who love to sing.

We are fast-approaching Christmas Day and of course, holiday music is in evidence everywhere. I suspect that some of you are a bit over it but even so, the next couple of days could see a renewed interest in the songs of the season.

I've got something for you. Actually, it's a re-gift from a dear friend, who also happens to be one of the performers.

Minnesota Chorale: A Winter Solstice 

Christmas Week, Tuesday Day 3 - Finding the Sun

Yesterday's post was rather frivolous, maybe even ridiculous, but hopefully made you think a little about your next complaint.  Although today's article is making much the same point, you'll be happy to see it is also significantly more direct.

A recent podcast featured a quote from Gerald Sittser.

"The quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise."

Christmas Week, Monday Day 2 - Embrace Follicles

Like most of you, I take a shower every morning.  (I hear the applause!  Thank you. Thank you.)

But here's the thing.  It seems like every morning, I am faced with the task of cleaning the drain cover.  Maybe it's me, but it seems like I'm losing more hair every day. I apologize if this is a bit gross for your taste, but I'm making a good point if you can handle it.

Christmas Week, Sunday Day 1 - But I Am Not a Fish

This is the beginning of Christmas Week.  As a gift (or maybe a punishment), I have scheduled articles each day for the next 8 days.    

 Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister

Many years ago, in a faraway land (well, Cincinnati feels like a long way from my Minnesota roots), there was an Aunt who loved to read to children. Rainbow Fish was one of her favorite books.  

Cozied up together, Aunt and grand-niece cuddled on the couch. An extremely young little girl, this newcomer-to-all- things, sat silently, listening intently all the while enraptured by the story being expressively read to her.

Shadow of Change

 A fleeting shadow. 

My head immediately snapped up from monitor-focused typing. What I saw as the dawn silently filtered through a blinds-closed window-frame forced legs to action while hands grabbed a cell-phone-camera. I was desperate to capture this image.  

An eternity (nearly 5 minutes) in wait produced no repeat performance. This window of opportunity is lost to the shadows, to write full of pun.  

I made an attempt at manipulative invitation thinking that if I placed a few bread crumbs on the outside windowsill, I could duplicate the image.  Offering the enticement of food is effective in a lot of our interactions, right?  

This short video is the only reproduction relevant to the imagery that held me captive a few moments earlier.  It's clearly not the share I'd like to promote.  

Just yesterday, I was thinking about the reasons that I write while lamenting a bit about the situation we find ourselves in this year.  It was much easier to discover 'stories' that created God-awareness when I was actually moving around in the world.  

But today, the world came to me in the form of an opaque bird.  I have no idea what kind of bird nor do I know if it likes bread crumbs but at least it returned to explore.  A 'fleeting' image is all you'll see but my disruption this morning was due to a full wing-span produced shadow that took my breath away.

As I Live and Breathe

When we breathe, molecules of the last gasp of Julius Caesar enter our bloodstreams.

When I read that statement (paraphrased above), I decided to spend time in research rather than taking some truth-of-word into my brain along with my next breath.  Of course, I was not successful in preventing my next breath as my body pretty much takes care of my breathing apparatus, but I continued to explore anyway.

Apparently, there were experiments done to determine if this hypothesis was verifiable, at least per the generally accepted conditions placed on us by mathematics.

” The story goes that in 44 BC in Rome, Julius Caesar was assassinated by a group of his own senators, crumpling to the floor with a final gasp. This last breath contained around 25 sextillions (that’s 25 followed by 21 zeroes) air molecules, which would have spread around the globe within a couple of years. A breath seems like such a small thing compared to the Earth’s atmosphere, but remarkably, if you do the math, you’ll find that roughly one molecule of Caesar’s air will appear in your next breath.

And it doesn’t stop there. In the same way, you might currently be inhaling Cleopatra’s perfume, German mustard gas and even particles exhaled by dinosaurs.”

The above quote was taken from Science Focus.  

Thrashing Around in the Sea

Thanksgiving was much different for most of us this year. We miss family and friends. We are exhausted. We wonder about the ‘return to normal’.

I thought about Jonathan Martin's, How to Survive a Shipwreck - Help is on the Way.

The following quote is a highlight of the first chapter.

"You can lose your boat, lose your house with all the pictures inside it, lose your job, lose your most defining relationship. And still not lose you. And still not lose your soul. And still not lose your faith. Make no mistake: You will be stripped down in the shipwreck. But you will not be lost."

"On the other side of them (shipwrecks), there is a stronger, deeper, richer, more integrated life. That on the other side of the storm that tears you to pieces is a capacity to love without doubt, to live without fear, to be something infinitely more powerful than the man or woman you were before it happened."

Some might be in the throes of personal shipwrecks and some might never have experienced one. But there are better than average chances that someday you will be pummeled in a sea of change.  

Outcome Dependence

• A card is thoughtfully sent for a birthday, a celebration, or even a no-reason-at-all moment but there is no response.  Sent electronically, you know it has been read, but the reply is not forthcoming.
• For quite a while you have been crawling along the road during an extreme rush hour situation.  Coming upon an intersection, you see a queue of cars waiting on a side road to enter the main artery.  From the number of vehicles behind that first car, you know they have been waiting for some time to insert themselves into the snail-paced stream of going-nowhere-fast-automobiles. You stop and indicate a willingness to let them enter. Looking at this opportunity they immediately react but there is no response to your considerate behavior.
• One more.  Your job is salaried.  Understanding that will mean a more flexible schedule, you also know that there will probably be more than 40 hours spent most weeks.  You have taken the day off for a well-deserved break.  Nevertheless, someone scheduled a required meeting anyway.  You will need to break up your day to attend and spend 2 hours of your PTO working.  Although somewhat expected, there is still no acknowledgment for your sacrifice.

Be First

I suspect we have all witnessed events like these.

• Gridlocked, you notice someone weaving in and out of clogged lanes.  They scratch and crawl and change lanes so often as to be uncountable.  You've watched for nearly 10 minutes and they've succeeded.  They are now 2 cars in front of you.  They are first.  
• As your turn arrives at a 4-way stop, someone insists on attaching themselves in "two-for" style by following bumper-to-bumper on the tail of another as they move through the intersection.  Ignoring custom, this person scrambles to make you wait.  Hooray! They have achieved first place - exactly one car ahead of you.
• You are hosting a dinner party and have spent 45 minutes shopping.  It's the holiday season and everyone is doing the same.  The grocery line is queued and you're 5th in line.  A considerate clerk recognizes the build-up of customers and opens a new checkout line. It happens at the speed of light. The newest person in line dives at warp speed to be the first in the new lane. "Congratulations", you whisper under your breath.  Well, maybe not.

As this 'I'm number one" philosophy seems to be built into our cultural DNA, let's BE first then.

• Be first to make eye contact.
• Be first to smile.
• Be first to greet a stranger.
• Be first to apologize.
• Be first to say thank you.
• Be first to say - you first.

Alright then, we want to be first.  This is how we do it.

It's the Job's Fault

I am betting that no matter what you do, no matter where you do it, no matter who you report to or what tasks you’re scheduled to complete, you have at some point in time uttered the words, “I hate my job.”  (Note:  I am just talking about you, of course.  Depending on who is reading this, let me make it perfectly clear that I have NEVER said that! – no, really!)

You might then:

• Decide to retaliate by doing only the bare minimum work as defined by you.  You might use words like, “It’s not my job”, or “I’m not getting paid to do that, or even, “I punch in at 8 and punch out at 5 – exactly 5, not a minute later.”
• Decide to tweak your resume’ and begin the process of leaving.  You’ll hold on because you need the paycheck but continue working in a state of resentment, bitterness, and mistrust.  Clearly, you are under-appreciated.  It’s obvious to everyone that people have no respect for you or what you do. The grass is greener . . .
• Decide to be grateful as so many have no source of income.  You suddenly remember that Covid-19 has disrupted millions of lives.  People who were dedicated and productive employees (or contractors, or business owners) were pushed out of the work-force through no fault of their own.  You bite-the-bullet and buckle down ‘working until something better comes along’.  You stay invisible but do little to change the circumstances.

You can easily see that in each case, the choice is yours.  You are in control and you have options – just pick one.

Instruments

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace

Where there is hatred, let me sow love

Where there is injury, pardon

Where there is doubt, faith

Where there is despair, hope

Where there is darkness, light

And where there is sadness, joy

O Divine Master, grant that I may

Not so much seek to be consoled as to console

To be understood, as to understand

To be loved, as to love

For it is in giving that we receive

And it's in pardoning that we are pardoned

And it's in dying that we are born to Eternal Life

Amen

Two Versions of the song, both worth the time to listen

Sarah McLachlan and students from The Sarah McLachlan School of Music - the Prayer of St. Francis.

Katherine Jenkins - Make Me A Channel of Your Peace

Lyrics Source: LyricFind

IT is Coming

The first time that I heard an ad stating that "IT is coming" was probably around 2002 plus or minus a year.  The content of that promotion became a reality with the introduction and purchase of the Segway PT (Personal Transporter). 

That machine brought things to my life both good and bad.  Continued discussions may occur in future articles but suffice to say that the announcement that this marvel will no longer be made became just one of the many losses endured in 2020.  

One could make a good case for 2020 being a year of loss. There will always be trouble but this season affected every facet of our humanity.  We certainly have a right to hold whatever feelings we have as this span draws to a close.  

But the "IT" in the title today refers to this Tuesday, the 3rd of November.

If you haven't already, you might be planning to stand in line and wait to cast your ballot.  That in itself will begin to bring an emotional response to most of us regardless of the decision we have made. 

One Day

I don't know what to say about this performance except for the words, "Completely obsessed!"

Let me strongly encourage you to spend five minutes watching this video especially if you have ever wished;

• that things could be different
• that people could get along
• that enemies could be friends
• that common could penetrate difference
• that hope could dispel discouragement
• that light could extinguish darkness
• that calm could banish fear
• that love could crumble hatred
• that joy could restore heartbroken
• that peace could conquer terror
• that the lion could lay with the lamb

If you've ever prayed for a better world, place this song in your heart. Recorded in the city of Haifa, Israel, 3,000 strangers gathered together under one roof for one common purpose. Arab, Muslim, Jew, Christian, and secular people of every age became one voice.  

Will You Just Shut-up?

A beautiful morning presents its gifted self. 

It's 5AM. my hands are warmed with a cup of Costa Rican espresso.  Open windows are inviting crisp clean air to replace stale as if daring to propose that the aroma of roasted coffee beans is inadequate.  

It's dark, cozy and I'm wrapped in a comforting throw while listening to a somewhat-convicting sermon.  (Are they ALL convicting, or is it just me?)

So deeply covered in blackness, only the occasional flicker of headlight can penetrate this darkness while announcing itself with muted sounds of tires on roadways.  

It would be blissfully peaceful.

It would be, except for those --- #@##(#&(*)(_^%(*(**&!> CRICKETS.

Repetition

I need to be reminded.  I need to be reminded ALL the time!

They say a person needs 21 days to develop a habit.  I suspect it doesn't matter if the habit is good or bad.  

They say that when you've committed to something (like exercise), it's okay to skip a day but never skip two in a row.  You will then have destroyed any momentum to continue.

In marketing, there is something called the "Rule of 7". in which 'they say' it takes seven impressions to reach the desired result. 

I'm not really sure who 'they' are, but if you use Google, you can find all kinds of them.  Let's say, for argument's sake, 'they' are right.

So then, here's another, 'they say'.  

It Takes So Little

Appreciation.  I cannot imagine that anyone would deny the importance of gratitude.  I could be wrong, but I just can’t imagine it.

It would seem logical that every one of us likes receiving the occasional pat-on-the-back.  It seems appropriate that recognition for a job well done be a regular occurrence.  

Yeah, I know.  Blah, blah, blah.  This observation is so ordinary as to be inconsequential.  Apparently, I have depleted my store of wisdom, assuming there was a time when the shelves were full.  I now have only the ability to regurgitate what we all know so well.  A Google search for ‘gratitude’ yields 181 million returns.  Already done.  Move on. 

I wish I could.

One-Man Performance

Act 1 - Unplugged.

Connected to the wall and attached to the iPad, the cord is frayed and will soon fail to do its job.  The pleasures of Hulu, YouTube, and FaceTime will cease to exist.

Additionally, a small blue light speaks to warn of a keyboard that is no longer accepting the charge it is designed to embrace.  Sound adjustments will become more difficult and disappointment will surely ensue if the expectation is to see newly typed words on the screen.

***

Act 2 - Construction without Warning.  

A typical 7-minute drive has surprisingly become nearly 30 with the unexpected introduction of road construction revealed when cresting the small hill.  

Sharing Your Flame

Wracking my brain, I just cannot remember where I came across this video!  Maybe it will reveal itself before I finish.  

Today, I ask that you consider starting with the video link.  If you want to follow along, the lyrics are published below.

Go Light Your World (SDA) - YouTube 5 Minutes.

Hear Our Prayer

“Hear Our Prayer” is typically uttered by communities as a petition asking God not just to hear about our pain, but to provide a response that conforms to our expectations.

There is no shortage of need in this world of ours.  We ask that jobs are restored, that children be allowed a pathway to learning, that loved ones will be healed of whatever ails them, and that severe weather might be eluded. This is a very short list as the world we see is in turmoil all around us.

Sometimes, we feel blessed as we realize fulfillment.  

Sometimes, the uttering of these three words expressing a need seems to have no effect. We embrace disappointment. We are told to cultivate patience as we experience delays.  We are told that longings might be answered in unexpected ways.  We are warned that our petition may see no resolution at all. 

In these circumstances, we wonder if we are completely ignored. We wonder if we are simply talking to the ceiling.  We consider a God that is too busy, does not care, or perhaps does not exist. 

We despair.

Work That Matters

Margin Call.  2011

Years of past success created invincibility which suddenly evaporates. Continual prosperity has allowed for annual employee salaries reaching well into the millions. But abruptly, circumstances dictate a precipitous decline in fortune. The bill is due and to survive, this business is now promoting a series of unethical behaviors. To accomplish this, ungodly sums of money are used as bribes to overcome voiced reservations as these activities are introduced to the rank and file.

As we celebrate Labor Day, the time of year set aside to recognize workers and their contributions to society and it's prosperity, I am vividly remembering three conversations from this movie.  

Conversation 1.

What Could Be

The Servant Song 

Will you let me be your servant

Let me be as Christ to you

Pray that I might have the grace

To let you be my servant too

We are pilgrims on the journey

We are travelers on the road

We are here to help each other

Walk the mile and bear the load

I will hold the Christ light for you

In the nighttime of your fear

I will hold my hand out to you

Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping

When you laugh, I'll laugh with you

I will share your joy and sorrow

Till we've seen this journey through

Will you let me be your servant

Let me be as Christ to you

Pray that I might have the grace

To let you be my servant too

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: David Haas

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.  Galatians 5:13

Close your eyes.  Click the Link.  Listen. Listen and let this simple melody bring the words into your heart and soul.  When this short piece is finished, sit with it keeping your eyes closed. Imagine the world that could be.  Imagine your own contribution to this new and beautiful world.

Will You Let Me Be Your Servant - David Haas.

P.S.

I should probably apologize. This is the third time I've mentioned this moving hymn. But I take comfort in reminding myself that it takes repetition to create results.  I guess I'm still a work in progress. At least I had the presence of mind to title this article something other than "Servants".

May 16, 2015 Servants

September 15, 2018 Servants

In Peace, Cast Your Vote

1. Polarized describes the state of this world in which we live.
2. Divisive is a word completely in line with the most common social media proclamations.
3. Separation posits an element of speech indicating relationship dissolution as a result of the two predecessors above.

It's no secret that these few words are interrupting civilized and loving conversations.  It is equally obvious that avoiding the topics of viruses, race, and politics proves impossible.

I was blessed with a 2-hour conversation yesterday.

I find it difficult to believe that I wrote that last sentence based on the introduction to this piece but it's absolutely true.  This dialogue revealed a vaporous objective that seemed beyond reach just a few days before. 

Wet Pants and Virtue

"Come with me to a third-grade classroom. There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."

When This Happens, I Stop Everything

I was thinking yesterday that I have nothing to write this week.  I confess to being a bit depleted.  The pandemic has isolated me as well as most of you.  The goal of these offerings is shortchanged for lack of environment. How can one ‘EXPLORE what it means to live in Christ’ when the only thing noticeable is the matted pathways of the worn-down living room carpet?  (Ok - I could probably make something out of that.  Another day, perhaps.)

Even though we are beginning to circulate more, it’s clearly not the same.  Public expeditions are stiff and uncomfortable.  We back-off rather than embrace. Hesitation conquers advancement.  Yesterday’s full-steam-ahead is vanquished as we now tread lightly. 

But, as often happens, something happens!  

Signs of Wonder

 

There are a couple of YouTube sites that entertain with short videos of funny placards found displayed on road signs, billboards, restaurants, and even churches.

Laughing is good for the soul – and the mind and body as well.

Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. Luke 6:21

Life Is Very Short (The Beatles)

It's all about me.  

It's about how I feel.  

It's about how I want things to be.  

It's about how I understand things.  

It's about - ME.  

Pay attention! I want you to hear me because - I. Want. You. To. Hear. Me. Period!

I know what I'm talking about and if you can't spend a few minutes silently listening, well we're just not going to get along very well.

No?  Okay, fine. 

Go ahead and talk until you're blue in the face!  

Talk until you run out of air! 

Type until your fingers fall off!

Effort Required

I elected to use a less controversial headline knowing that including the word “mask” would trigger preconceived emotions that would determine 'read-this' or 'immediately discard'.

Please know that this writing ignores the politics of face-coverings - completely.  Although this article discusses wearing a mask, it is incidental to the goal of unity and solidarity with others. 

As many states have mandated the use of PPE, you might find that whether or not you want to accessorize by cloaking nose, mouth, and chin, you’ll eventually be faced (pun intended) with an adornment-required situation, if only for a few moments.

Let’s pretend.  Those little strings are tightly bound around your ears. You might be very comfortable with your cheek-curtain or you might be thinking, "This is the longest 10 minutes of my life." 

I Found My Way to You

It’s not healthy.  Well, it’s not healthy for me.

I’m talking about social media.  I’m talking about what it’s done to me - to us.  Division, strife, and polarization are continually created through bitter arguments between people who love each other and between people who have never met each other.  

The only goal is to state our unequivocally right opinions so that we can incite.  We enjoy confrontation.  We seem to get some kind of life from arrogant displays of outrageous.  We have concluded and promoted ‘all-things-for-me-and-mine’ while leaving a concept known as ‘for the good of all’ dying in the dust of the road.  We serve only ourselves while exercising ‘I-am-right’ power using keyboards to browbeat dissenters.

We ‘like’ and ‘share’ divisiveness because silo is more important than people.

A system that was originally promoted for the exciting potential of learning by reaching new global connections has become a system of me-and-my-tribe to prove that we are more right, more opinion-connected, more exclusionary than ever before.  

One Thing: Superlatives

Biggest

Best

Greatest

Enormous

Immense

Humongous

Massive

We hear these words daily from every source imaginable.  Texas-sized is expressively important to our society.  There’s an insatiable need to demonstrate the win-of-importance as judged by sheer magnitude.

Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. 

Matt 20:25-28

Choosing to be last is counter-cultural. We are not conditioned for this as our expectations are fulfilled only with superlatives.  

But the choice to care is right there in front of us.  We are given fortuitous opportunities to serve if we live in anticipation of possibility.

Yesterday, I read the following news story.  The whole interaction must have taken just a few minutes. There was no grandeur associated with the actions.  There were no news cameras, no crowds, no fanfare. It was only a moment of compassionate service.

This is how I want to live.

Mystery Soldier from Minnesota

One Thing: Look Closer

I see all kinds of speed-limit signs but never one like this.  It makes me ask questions like, "Who decided 19 mph is the right speed?"  But maybe it was just someone wanting the rest of us to notice the abnormal.  Maybe the goal was to catch us for a moment, make us think about slowing down. Maybe the expectation was that we'd actually act on this thought.

I wonder how many times God places someone or something in our path with the same hope; that we would notice, consider, and then act?  

I plan to look closer.  

Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Psalm 25: 4-5

Turn Around. It's Too Late.

"Turn around. It's too late

This phrase has been running around in my head and heart for the past number of days.  I am convinced that it will be a continual presence for the rest of my life.

Spending our time in some conflict that serves only to separate and divide just can’t be who we are.  Spending our time focusing on polarizing differences just can’t be who we should be. There will come a time when words and actions that serve to validate rightness over righteousness will hurt - all of us. 

There will come an instant when the distance is stretched too far and available time expires too soon..



This past Tuesday, I called my supervisor around 3PM and explained that although I had already taken Thursday off work, I would need to take Wednesday as well.

After packing and taking a short nap, I awoke, showered, and walked out the door with a cup of fresh coffee.  It was about 9:30 PM.  The plan was to drive through the night reaching St. Paul by 9AM Central. 

I didn’t get far.

The call came and my sister said,  “Turn around – it’s too late. Mom has passed."




Mom and I were at peace.  We didn’t have any arguments and experienced no separation.  We talked frequently but had not laid eyes on each other since Christmas.  And now, that moment has been recorded in history as the very last time. 

I say these things for some personal but clearly momentary relief.  I say these things to remind myself and anyone who will listen, that politics never matters as much as people. I say these things to reinforce the idea that small acts of kindness really do matter and that we shouldn’t miss opportunities to display our love for others.  I say these things because nobody wants to hear the words, “Turn around, it’s too late.”

I have one last picture.  It was taken at mom’s nursing home on National Donut Day.  I had thought I could gather together #groupsof10 to send these round deep-fried treats for my mother, the staff, and the residents of her home.  I didn’t push it, though.  And, perhaps because of this, nobody volunteered.  I did it alone – sad that it wasn’t the intent but now delighted as it provided this last photo.

Don’t misunderstand.  There’s no finger-pointing here by any means. 

I’m just trying to say that we need to care for each other in hundreds of small and simple ways while rejecting the culture of societal polarization.  No conflict should ever interfere with showing love to others. 

We are to live as Jesus lived. 

We are to prioritize people over rules, regulations, politics, and opinions. 

I was taught this as I read the stories about Jesus.

I was taught this by my mother.

Rest In Peace, Mom.  We love you. 

One Thing: 500 Pages

A recent TED talk by physicist and entrepreneur Riccardo Sabatini demonstrated that a printed version of the entire genetic code for one person would generate close to 262,000 pages consisting only of 4 different letters and a lot of commas. 

Of those pages, only 500 would be unique to each person. 

Bound together into 175 books weighing a total of nearly 1,000 pounds, the uniqueness of this one person would total one-half of just one of these books.

. 

The Code for Eye Color: TED Talk, Riccardo Sabatini

I choose to be grateful to a good and faithful God for my uniqueness.  

I will celebrate the 500-page uniqueness that has been given to others. 

I will spend my thoughts, words, and actions demonstrating gratitude for the commonality I share within the remaining 261,500 pages.

 

And as he taught them, he said, “Is it not written: ‘My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations’? Mark 11:17 

One Thing: At What Point

At what point will an innocent child become despised 

by those of another tribe?

At what point will an innocent child learn to hate in return?

At what point does a beautiful child become worthless 

in the eyes of another tribe?

At what point does a beautiful child learn to call 

other beautiful children worthless?

Credit Robert Collins @robbie36

How does this happen?

Why does this happen?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 

Ephesians 4: 30-32

One Thing: Think First

As I think, so I will speak.  

As I speak, so I will act. 

I am the sum of each decision I make.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  Philippians 4:8

One Thing: Missing

I had no idea that when the ‘word of the year’ was decided, EVERYBODY would be missing.  Still, it is never too late to do something about it.

It was also called Mizpah, because he said, “May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other. Genesis 31:49

Don't Scratch It

Children are always pushing the envelope but they frequently fall.  They scrape their legs and arms and even their heads.  Parents pick them up, kiss them, and affirm that all will be OK.  They disinfect and bandage the wound sending the toddlers on their way.

As these little bodies begin to heal, scabs form over the wounds.  These encrustations aid in healing the trauma, but the nerves notice stimulated skin cells. Brains send a message of itch and scratching begins.

Mothers everywhere begin preaching, “Don’t scratch it!”  They do this because removing the scab can re-open the wound thereby setting back the process of healing – sometimes, repeatedly. They know that healing will be complete only when this scab disappears on its own. A scar may remain, but the promise that ‘all will be OK’ will be realized.

Today, there is hope.  For centuries, we have ignored, covered up and over, dismissed, and denied that some of us are treated less equal than others.  It appears that there is a joining of all (well, many more than some of us would expect) bringing the light of attention to this injustice.  It looks as though discussions of change could finally become true actions of change.  

But these wounds are deep-seated.  Rehabilitation could take decades and the scabs that form will cause serious surface tingling.  This thin curative veneer will become an irritation that begs a return to what was comfortable for those in control of well-established structures.  It will become an itch of this long-established system calling its members to desperately scratch here, there, and everywhere in efforts to alleviate the hypersensitivity of this perceived inflammation. 

As we work towards bringing unity, justice, reconciliation, and peace, commit to the anticipated longevity of change. Accept in your heart, mind, and soul that what lies ahead is a major societal shift. This isn't just a skinned elbow that will heal in a week or so.  This follows the magnitude of major surgery.  Recovery will be long as the excised disparities and inequities scab over and heal. But each of us will be stronger and more loving when this blanket of healing falls away.

"There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."  Galatians 3: 28

Don’t Scratch It.

One Thing: Addiction

One of the most difficult things to fight is addiction. It comes in many forms.   A shortlist includes alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, comfort foods, sugar, and even excessive screen time.

Being "RIGHT' is another.  Your map is not the territory.

Anthony

Considering all that is happening in Minneapolis and throughout the world, I’m forgoing my commitment to the “One Thing” series for today.

At approximately 6:30 AM, Sunday, June 30, 2019, a gunshot shattered the morning of the Over-the-Rhine neighborhood of Cincinnati.  Within minutes, a 14-year-old boy lay bleeding to death on the sidewalk.  His name was Anthony and he was one of my students.

I bring this up because this one hit me hard – and still does.

I bring this up because we are fortunate to be living in the ‘day of captured video’. What happened to George Floyd and many others is there for all to see.  

I bring this up because I pray for change. I pray for tolerance, for understanding, and for compassion.

I bring this up because change requires effort and before we begin the task, we need to understand. We need to feel what others feel.  Unity can only exist with an awareness of history and experience. 

There is a root cause.  This underlying system did not begin with me or with you. However, we have not only inherited the problem but are in a unique position to benefit from the same. Because of this, effective change can only begin when we, with our non-white brothers and sisters, collectively cry out. "Enough!". 

One Thing: Children

 

"You are a marvel. You are unique. In all of the world there is no other child exactly like you. In the millions of years that have passed there has never been another child like you... You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. 

And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is like you, a marvel? 

You must cherish one another. You must work—we must all work—to make this world worthy of its children."   

Joys and Sorrows; Reflections by Pablo Casals

At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matt 18:1-3

One Thing: Support

Someone lifted you up at some critical juncture in your life. 

They supported you.  

At some significant crossroads, 

we are called to do the same for another.

Photo Credit Neil Thomas 

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Isaiah 40:1

One Thing: Reverberations

We might never live long enough to see how much our generosity matters, 

but even small gestures can influence generations.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 

Galatians 6:9

  

One Thing: Right

It is never more important to be right than to love your neighbor.

"And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that."

Luke 6:33 

NOTE:

I jumped in.  I produced an opinion piece on this site and then posted it on social media. 

Perhaps I'm just tired, or maybe, I've got thin skin. Either way, I'm a bit exhausted with an apparent lack of compassion, diplomacy, and considerate discourse that seems so evident in our polarized society.

My first reaction said, "To heck with all of them. It does not matter what I think - or even what you think."

My second reaction was to make amends, to apologize for an opinion that has apparently offended others.

Continued reactions only provided more confusion and depression.  

The answer was obvious - just withdraw.  Let others argue, demean, and ridicule with abandon. There is no need to contribute to division.  There is no justification for escalating already frayed nerves.  There is no fulfillment when the result is rooted not in communion, but increased contention.

But withdrawing is not the answer. 

Beginning today, I will be changing this format a bit.  I'm not going to offer opinions, although they will be quietly evident.  At least for the next month or so, there will be a couple of new articles each week. They will be designed for the consideration of just one thing. There will be no preaching. They will not include any type of debate and will avoid even the concept of, "'Just the facts, ma'am." 

I need to ground myself, yet again.  

I need to recognize that my opinions are valid - and so are yours.

I need to pray that my heart will be accepting of calm and divergent viewpoints while still allowing me to be a loving person - with no exceptions.

Norton 360

Yes, more about viruses, but today I am not talking about Covid-19

Scanning my computer drives for viruses is something that is required frequently.  A nagging pop-up screen reminded me of this fact yesterday.

Not wanting my machine to be hacked, hijacked, or held hostage, I opened the program and hit ‘scan’. Immediately the software began to analyze my computer for harmful code. 

Back in the day of floppy disks, my machine was infected. I was fortunate then. Most of my work-product was stored on these things.  But it took a computer technician a few days and more than a few dollars to repair my work-station.  I am exceedingly careful now, especially since the problem is more prevalent and more destructive than ever.

Viewpoints

We all have opinions and that is a blessing.  But, I truly believe that in any gathering of 10, there could be upwards of 15 different points of view as some opinions blow with the wind.

But I’m so very disappointed.  I thought (naively) that the pandemic we’re living through (most of us) would point to something better.  I thought this crisis could unite us. I thought it could lead to a greater tolerance for others and the opinions they voice.  I thought it would guide us to an understanding that we’re human, fragile, and need each other – all the time, not just in crisis.  I thought a common need could grow a new love between people of every thought, culture, color, and economic status.  I thought – well, never mind what I thought as I’m clearly wrong.  I’ll own that outright.  I’ll own that with my own crushing disappointment.

Our culture seems to believe the truth is subjective.  Hoax, fake news, misinterpretation, misguided information, outright lies, and the agendas of others including media and politicians have resulted in silos of truth based entirely on individual infallibility.  One is either with us or dead wrong.

But, let me suggest that the following is true - for all of us.

LIFE

Saturday morning.

I'm up early.
A mild start, the temperature is 56 degrees.
For the moment, darkness conquers dawn.

Sitting in the shadows, I am hearing - life.

Ignorant of the crisis spinning around them, birds of unknown types make joyful music in shaded anonymity.

Intruding on your space, I suggest taking just a few seconds out of your day.  You can do this anytime.  All you need is 30 seconds between scheduled activities.

Close your eyes and listen. Let these nameless feathered creatures lift your spirits.
YouTube:  Birds Chirping

Hopeless Not Allowed

Because work schedules and time-frames have been altered, I participated in some HULU binge-watching.  I heard that “The Wire” was a good show, so over the past many weeks of stay-at-home, I watched 5 seasons.

Set in Baltimore, it followed a police force dealing with street-corner drug gangs and politicians.

The storyline followed attempts to shut down the drug trade, of course. Against this background, the episodes traced characters within each group as well.  Narratives focused on the choices (good and bad) these people made as well as highlighting options unavailable to them. 

I was saddened by the deaths of some of the street-punks, which was the term given to those selling on the ‘corners’.  I was distressed by some of the deaths of the ‘drug-fiends’ who bought the drugs. This wasn't all that surprising because I had gotten to know these people and their stories. 

I was stunned as I watched the screen highlight violent neighborhoods because they looked familiar.  I remembered similar boarded-up, crumbling, and graffiti-scarred brick facades of inner-city ghetto-like row-houses.

They were recognizable because I had volunteered in a downtown Cincinnati neighborhood that bore look-alike disfigurements to those depicted in Baltimore.  The scenes were identical from the ‘corners’ to the in-street-shootings, from happy children in playgrounds to those same innocents scrambling away from gun-shots, from glassy-eyed muggers to mothers cradling babies on the filthy steps of the hood.

Online Church: Paying Attention

For so many people, this pandemic has separated them from a form of comfort that was always available, always just down the street and always complete with friends, family, favorite hymns, songs, and favorite preachers.

Routines have been completely disrupted.  The traditions of Sunday church attendance followed by brunch, afternoon picnics, BBQ’s or playing in parks no longer exist.

We are at home with family or possibly even alone.  We are detached from our normal assemblage. We find ourselves in places full of distraction watching a screen.  We observe while desperately hoping for a successful engagement of worship.

The spiritual community has embraced this situation with solutions of many types:

• Services are now real-time streaming with chat options for input and discussions between those who teach and those who attend.  
• Downloads are available for creative learning and group meetings. 
• Musicians sing with or without accompaniment each from their separate locations.  This must be incredibly difficult!  
• Videos connect children to their own ministries and are both passive and interactive in nature.  
• Online video conferencing is used for prayer meetings and Q&A sessions.   

Because Easter Deserves Its Own

He is Risen, Alleluia!

As we celebrate this day, I pray for each of you with this simple yet powerful song by David Haas.

“Prayer for Peace”.

Peace before us, peace behind us, peace under our feet.

Peace within us, peace over us, let all around us be peace.

Love before us, love behind us, love under our feet.

Love within us, love over us, let all around us be love.

Light before us, light behind us, light under our feet.

Light within us, light over us, let all around us be light.

Christ before us, Christ behind us, Christ under our feet.

Christ… Alleluia

Psalm 118:24 

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Happy Easter!

Small Potatoes

In the grand scheme of things, insignificant (user-defined) moments occur frequently.  In our current bubble of time, we now have an increased opportunity to pay closer attention to these seemingly unimportant experiences.  Minutia noticed can provide staggering gifts if we take time to reflect and share.

Supplies were ordered online and collected - the ‘new normal’ of grocery shopping.

I am forced to purchase Russet potatoes one or two at a time.  If I was going to buy a 5-pound bag, I’d have to plant most of them.  It’s been a few weeks and I was in the mood for a baked potato with cheese, real butter, and sour cream with chives.  My shopping list included two.

Because, of course, "you get what you get", I let the clerk load my car and drove home with anticipation.  As it turns out, everything was there this week. Everything! Well, there were 2 substitutions, but come on - Everything!

Even though a successful gathering of wants had occurred, there was one “little” problem; that Russet potato.  Barely larger than my finger, I was at-first stupefied.  Then I wondered, just WHAT is a guy supposed to do with THAT?  Then I got plain silly.

But there’s another side to this story.

A friend celebrated a birthday on the day of my 'is-this-really-a-potato' adventure.  We hadn’t talked in quite a while but I called to catch up rather than sending the typical e-card.

In just a few moments, I hear that her life is a mess.  She and her husband have struggled for several years through layoffs and health issues unrelated to the current crisis.  When accepting employment, they’ve had to move cross-country twice only to be forced into the job market again and again.  They are now in serious financial distress and surgery is looking imminent.

Happy Birthday, right?

When she disconnected, I sent this picture as, during the call, we talked about this potato. A few minutes later, she responded.  Her exact words, “LMAO.  That’s the best laugh I’ve had in three months, I swear.”

It wasn’t just the picture, of course.  It was the conversation. You might imagine how one hysterical thought cascaded upon others.  We said things like, “The size of a finger?  Do you think your shopper was being intentional?” Is this a sign of the times?  Could Scott Tissues be thinking of making rolls of toilet-paper like that?”  Feel free to take this in any direction you might choose! I quite literally cannot stop laughing – even today.

Small potatoes shared brightened someone's day - their birthday, no less.  I admit it was accidental in that the conversation went in that direction on its own. But the little things in life matter greatly.



Please, let us pay attention to the small potatoes of life.  Let us be blessedly surprised when it turns out that insignificance becomes monumental in our lives and in the lives of those we touch.

John 6:9
Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?

I prepared my potato for dinner because that’s just what you do, right?  I did, however, believe it prudent to make a salad.

Weather Forecast

Memes are popular and seem to be everywhere.  Here’s one I saw recently.

Hey Siri, “What’s the weather like today?”

Siri replies, “Don’t worry about it.  You aren’t going anywhere.”

This one just struck me as LOL.  Maybe it is hysterically funny, or maybe it should be classified as gallows humor.  It points to a reality in our current stay-at-home climate but tongue-in-cheek, it clearly indicates shared pain.

I have heard that we used to accept certain things as true, as baselines for discussions.  It was understood that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.  It was understood that we need air to breathe and that without it, we die.  It was understood that if it’s cold enough, rain becomes snow.

Midweek Moments; You Get What You Get

This past Saturday, I ordered groceries online for pick-up.  I’ve never done that before but it’s a new world now.  The amount that I was to be charged was nearly $45.00.

I would be notified when the order was ready and when leaving, I was to use an app on my phone.  Following the instructions, the app calculated the time it would take to reach the store. Directions dictated that I pull up by a yellow post (and there were dozens).   Somehow, this phone app knew where I was and apparently notified the clerk as within a minute, groceries were being placed in my vehicle.

I LOVED that bass!

“Thanks for the lovely rendition of Happy Birthday. I LOVED that bass!”

This is a kind, thoughtful, and much-appreciated reply to an electronic birthday card recently sent.

Right. Sometimes I’m just quirky - at best.  Brain activity now decrees that this one simple sentence provides a launching pad for yet another rambling discourse.  And what exactly will this monologue be about?

Well, Johann Pachelbel's "Canon in D major".  Naturally!

I use a traditional strings version of this baroque masterpiece as my alarm clock. For the past week, like many of you, I have been starting each morning without rushing to the office.  Because I can now sign-in from home, I’ve allowed myself time to listen to the entire instrumental before beginning my day.

For peaceful awakenings, I give You thanks.

Groups of 10

I am aware that thousands of you are more qualified, more creative, more engaging, and more influential than I.  But whether you are a mover, shaker or dreamer, please finish this article and then point your inexhaustible talents toward creating hope and light for those around you.  I apologize in advance for the extended length.

Life has changed and for how long, we don’t know.  Looking forward to what a post-pandemic future might look like can only be called conjecture.

I am not interested in contributing more gloom to the discordant noise we hear daily.  News that reaches us from every source is foreboding and somber as we endeavor to keep up with moment-by-moment changes.  We learn what to do and what not do.  We examine current situations in neighboring communities and those of distance.

I think we’re called to more.

It’s not enough to talk about this around the water-cooler.  Oh right, we won’t find anyone at the water-cooler.  It’s not enough to soak up information from every authority available.  It’s not enough to ‘shelter-in-place’ tightly clutching our form of worry beads.

Millions are wrapped in sudden, unexpected turmoil as they experience the pain of head-snapping, almost violent change even if untouched by this virus.  As we pour over constant updates, we need to remember that the information we absorb is not only about statistics, restrictions, closings, layoffs, and quarantines (self-imposed or otherwise).  Beneath all of that, are people.  It should always be about people – close neighbors and those of distance.

I think we’re called to more.

Pop Quiz

You’re a good person.  You go to church every week.  You donate resources to help others.  You spend time in prayer and even read the Bible. As far as you're concerned, you do all the right things.

Having been triggered by a couple of situations, I mentally embraced a ‘reflect-on-this’ question earlier in the week. I recalled an article written long ago by Seth Godin when I was challenged with, "Answer me this, my friend'.  In his publication, Seth points to our desire to be noticed while we strive to succeed.

The question that sparked this recollection pointed toward living life as Christians.  The presented quiz might help to determine how successful we might be in our quest to live like Jesus.

Should you wish to play, answer honestly.

Midweek Moments: Timeline

This week, I again listened to a talk about the character called Mr. Roger's.  This particular message asked, “What does it mean to love your neighbor?”

The promoted answer was, “Be interruptable." In other words, be available and listen to the nudges you hear in your head.

Shaken, Not Stirred

        

Well, if you’ve been reading these postings lately, you might suspect that I’ve been a little bit off-center.  It seems that I’ve been buried under a mentality of “you-need to-be-more-like-this!”  I’ve worked to see God in every place I go and I’ve enjoyed this journey.  However, when applying a bit of thought, I’ve been overwhelmed by my shortcomings.

I sincerely want to be the right kind of person.  I desire to be the type that loves neighbors, is generous, compassionate, non-violent and, well you get the idea.  There is a LOT to aim for - too much, sometimes.

But this week, I’ve noticed something.  A little bit of what I’m trying to work on - worked! 

Prayerful Considerations

Feelings of trepidation and fear occur throughout our lives.  We are bathed in the stress and anxiety of what will or won’t happen at life’s major intersections.  We are consumed with needs and desires.  The future is in question and we desperately seek answers as we pray, “Please God!”

We’ve spent years of formative schooling and college applications have now been submitted.  We will either be accepted by our chosen university or be denied.  We will live out the dream we set before us or will soon downgrade to settle-status.  For weeks we await the decision while we pray, “Please God!”

Save The Date

For the past 14 months, I have succeeded in spending time every week conveying my spiritual thoughts through writing on this platform. For the most part, I think it’s been a great way to spend time with God, while recounting things I’ve seen, experienced, and learned.

These forays into the mind that directs the fingers have also been a source of forced self-reflection.  Behaviors, reactions, and internal self-talk are examined.  Laser pointed beams reveal shortcomings while I struggle to live (well lean towards is a better description) a Christ-like life.

But as of late, it seems I’m becoming a bit overloaded with my own advice. It might well be that my current work-life is oppressive.  Maybe some of this is generated because this season of the year creates long stretches where making the trip back home is impossible.  Perhaps there’s some exhaustion playing around the corners of daily life.

Perceptions and Unity

Waiting in a stop-light queue, I was almost home.  The line was long and it would be a couple of light changes before I’d reach the intersection where I’d be turning.

The car in front of me edged slowly forward and I noticed the rear license plate.

This common delay suddenly became nearly unbearable.  I was trapped in the middle of the line and thoughts became defensive while reading, ‘Do you follow Jesus this close?’ (All CAPS, of course)

Beneath the Surface; Dare to See

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.    2 Corinthians 4:18           

I subscribe to more inbox interruptions than any one person should.  I have a tendency to sign-up as I come across teachers of motivation, marketing, spirituality, leadership, and self-help.  And then the constant daily devotionals, breaking news, severe weather notices and well, it's way too much.

Midweek Moments; Google has something to say

Pulling into the parking lot, I see my neighbors are just leaving. One lady is in the car and I wave; she waves back.  Her daughter and grand-child are locking the front door before walking to their car.

The grand-daughter smiles and waves and again, I wave back.  Her mom says, “Hi, how are you?” Since my workday is done, I am happy to respond that I’m good, and ask the same question of her.

Her reply is affirmative and I’m now unlocking my front door.

As I do, I hear my phone talking to me. It’s Google.  She’s telling me, “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

Maps & Territories

You may be familiar with the following axiom:

Your Map is Not the Territory

These few words let us know that our frame of reference is unique to us.  We are encouraged to consider that others have a much different perspective based on their own situations, experiences, and cultures.  We are reminded that the bubble in which we find ourselves (or place ourselves) reflects our individual experience which is not universally shared.

But we forget.

Instead, we surround ourselves with like-minded people.  Our friendships, social-media cliques, news outlets, and even our churches become comfortable and secure with those who reinforce our ideas - just the way we like it.

Headlights

Winter driving is different than summer driving not just because of snow, ice and the extra time it takes to cover distance but because of darkness.

Our automotive stock today has a built-in solution.  We turn a knob or flip a switch and ‘let there be light’.  We can now see where we’re going and others can see us as well.

For headlights, we thank you, God.

Since I have only 4 miles between job and home, I am not always cloaked in blackness when commuting.  Frequently, I drive in a condition known as twilight.  Even so, there is still a need for the light provided by headlights as nothing is perfectly clear.

But here’s what I haven’t noticed before.  A LOT of drivers embrace the darkness.  The tool-of-light remains untouched.  They prefer the surprise of an obscure path to one of enlightenment. Their dashboards remain invisible to their eyes while their vehicles remain invisible to others.

Peacefulness

I’ve always thought windmills are beautiful. These mammoth towers are planted in fields, on hills and even in oceans.  When I was in Minnesota, I made a pilgrimage to a wind-farm in-progress.  A delivery had been made and I was able to get pretty close to one of the rotor blades lying supine on the field.  I had no idea how big they actually are!

There’s something about the peacefulness I see when driving by one of these farms.  There’s something about the heaven-reaching white pillars with agonizingly slow blades turning against the robin-blue backdrop of the sky.  From the road, they just look like, well life at rest in a way.

If you search Google for 'windmills', it takes less than a second to reveal 108 million results including pictures and opinions of all types.  Like any topic today, some of us promote favor and some strenuously object.

From the Foe

I won’t call this a New Year resolution, but something MUST be done.  Last year was a long and stress-filled year.  I gained weight; a lot of weight.  And it seemed rather sudden.  So, a change to a mostly plant based diet replacing sauces with spices is just part of the required change.

I’m again walking at the vacant mall near the office every day as well.  Typically, I listen to Pandora while trudging past empty store fronts. It gives me something to concentrate on because those empty retail spaces use their display glass to reflect back to me what I actually look like. I do NOT want to look!

After plugging into the app, I started my daily journey hearing the words “You guard me from the foe”.  This is part of the refrain from You Are Near, by David Schutte. In a previous life, this favorite had been sung in choir countless times.

Conflicted Mind and Soul

There are so many times that I believe and nearly come to tears when facing the self-sacrificial love of the Cross.  The impact of nature, the wide-open unconditional love of a child, or perhaps a blessing of unimaginable grace can bring me to my knees in gratitude.  Sometimes I even feel this in tragedy and loss.

And nearly immediately, I feel like I’m manipulating my relationship with God.

My heart says, “Thank you, I love you.”
My mind says, “You’re just saying that to get what you want.”
It torments me, this dichotomy.