And nearly immediately, I feel like I’m manipulating my relationship with God.
My heart says, “Thank you, I love you.”
My mind says, “You’re just saying that to get what you want.”
It torments me, this dichotomy.
Conceivably, it’s the cynicism created by many years in this world, but might be simple doubt. Perhaps it’s the inability to hear God clearly, but then again, lack of practice might be the cause. It is probably a complete lack of trust, but it could be that it’s simply the world of negativity encroaching where it doesn't belong.
Whatever it is, I’m going to push through this. I hope that I’m being honest with myself and more importantly, with my Creator. I hope that my prayer is genuine and sincere; without pretense and without a goal focused solely on personal gain.
I’ve already started and for the remainder of this month, as I remember that Someone Is Missing, I will try to determine if that person is me. I will begin with Amen and the prayer will be only a few words of praise and gratitude. This will happen on the hour, every hour of every day as my phone is now programmed to remind me with solemn chimes.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.1 John 4:20
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
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