Open Enough to Grow

May is finally over.

For me, May is an abnormally busy month.  Birthdays, anniversaries, memorials, and of course Mother’s Day. Dads get a month's reprieve from the extraordinary business of May.

Towards the end of these numerous month-of-May events, my own seeks some kind of acknowledgment - another birthday. 

I might prefer to ignore this annual milestone.  However, although a celebration in the way of children doesn’t seem important, recognizing that I remain vertical might suggest an appropriate observance. 

Since I tend towards introspection, especially around an occasion such as this, I was thinking about how entrenched I might be inside of myself.  Right. Too much.  Let me explain.

As we grow older, I am betting that all of us feel the pull to become quite rigid in many of our opinions, thoughts, actions, and habits. Want some examples?

1. Routines. I am more than reasonably consistent with getting into and out of bed - every day. I have an exact morning ritual. Mornings are controlled and I become anxious when they get interrupted. 
2. Traditions. I have become aware that, even though Fiddler on the Roof is a favorite movie, I tend toward rejecting traditions entirely.
3. Expectations of myself. Wishing it wasn’t so, I try to hold myself to a standard of performance that probably cannot be met. And when realizing the failure, I will tend to give up too easily or at the very least, become dejected.
4. Expectations of others.  If you think I hold myself captive to unrealistic expectations, I must confess that I hold others to similar principles too frequently.
5. Opinions. Well, not much to say here. I am right and that’s all you need to know. 
6. Interactions with others. Oh boy. Let’s start with a few adjectives. Impatient. Judgmental. Dismissive. Intolerant. But of course, please be aware that these words don’t describe me ALL the time.  Just occasionally.  

Perhaps I should have titled this one, “Bless me Father for I have sinned.”

I didn’t so let’s look at why.

We age and we begin to believe the doctrine of, "I am too old to change." I am convinced this is a lie.

If you believe that people CAN change, and that second chances ARE possible, or even that a new, better self IS attainable, then we’re on the same page. If this is not your viewpoint, please see item 5 above.

I know you’re always curious about where these do-not-compute, rabbit-hole articles come from.  This specific origin traces back to the following quote:

"Growing up, we say, as though we were trees, as though altitude was all that there was to be gained, but so much of the process is growing whole as the fragments are gathered, the patterns found. Human infants are born with craniums made up of four plates that have not yet been knit together into a solid dome so that their heads can compress to fit through the birth canal so that the brain within can then expand. The seams of these plates are intricate, like fingers interlaced, like the meander of arctic rivers across the tundra.

"The skull quadruples in size in the first few years, and if the bones knit together too soon, they restrict the growth of the brain; and if they don't knit at all the brain remains unprotected. Open enough to grow and closed enough to hold together is what life must also be. We collage ourselves into being, finding the pieces of a worldview and people to love and reasons to live and then integrate them into a whole, a life consistent with its beliefs and desires, at least if we're lucky."  Source: Recollections of My Nonexistence, by Rebecca Solnit

Now you know!

“How can a man be born when he is old?”, Nicodemus asked. “Surely, he cannot enter a second time into his mother’s womb to be born!”  Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit.”

We certainly can’t loosen up our skulls or we’d die a painful death. But there are ways to loosen up our hearts and minds. We might not govern our ‘altitude’, but we are in full control of our ‘attitude’.  We alone oversee growing whole.

1. Routines: Love could be defined as embracing the interruptions of others. To that, I can only offer an embarrassed, "Gulp."
2. Traditions: Most people hold them dearly. Understand, accept, and maybe (consider this) adopt. It wouldn't hurt to read more of the Bible, either.
3. Expectations of myself: The single hardest kind of honesty is to oneself. And don’t forget the grace received. It’s free. Accept it and then share it.
4. Expectations of others: “Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get.” (Kevin Kelly) Also, consider that living expectantly leaves room for surprise and learning. Living with expectations is demanding and leads to disappointment and anger.
5. Opinions: “Strong opinions, loosely held.” (Jeff Bezos) along with, “Your map is not the territory.” (Alfred Korzybski). And here I am with another sheepish, "Gulp."
6. Interactions with others: The Golden Rule - "plus it" (a Walt Disney word). “Love your neighbor as I have loved you.” (Jesus. John 3: 4-5)

There’s a better-than-average chance that the connections between the quote and my ruminations might be less than clear. Perhaps you can find a better way to continue this discussion. 

Truth be told, I considered a delete this/try again rewrite. I rejected that idea quickly because well, my brain hurts.