If you read last week's article, you'll remember that I offered no answers to the 'elusive lyrics' that were presented. During the week, I planned to reflect on each lyric starting with "On the dark side of good, there's evil".
I was stuck on that first line all week. Every so often, I'd open a word document and jot down thoughts as the week unfolded. I'm beginning to think that those four cryptic lines might evolve into a series of articles. Then again, perhaps not.
Doing good is well, always good, right? The more I think about it, the more this theory seems to be false. I will start with a simple example.
One might think that we could be congratulated for providing the gift of a bottle of water to someone on a hot day. Although the gift is genuine, it will have a lot less impact if the receiver already has a case of water in the back of their car. The gift is still good and we've done no harm.
But let's expand on this act of generosity. Perhaps we see a homeless mother and child on the side of the road. We determine that help would be appreciated. We approach the woman and make an offer to assist. Perhaps we say, "It's getting dark and chilly out here. Let's get you and your child to a shelter. There is one only a couple of blocks away. This would be best for you and your little girl."
On the surface, that sounds like a good idea. It might be the worst thing we could do. There are many reasons for people to choose the streets rather than shelters.
- Not all shelters are safe as some are rife with drugs, theft, and disease. I won't state that all shelters could be classified this way, but there might be some serious reasons to hesitate for this mother/daughter team. Perhaps they're deathly afraid because they have heard of these types of conditions or worse, maybe experienced them in the past.
- Some shelters have rules that would make it difficult or even impossible for a mother and daughter to stay together.
- And then, of course, I just can't imagine these two people accepting a ride offered by a strange man on some dark downtown street.
In a worthwhile effort to help, we might be 'giving water to someone who doesn't need it.' Not only does this person not want this, but the 'gift' might even be harmful. It isn't logical for most of us to think it would be better to sleep on the street but since we haven't experienced homelessness, we remain mostly ignorant.
And because we do not know, our efforts could be considered judgmental. It would appear to this homeless mother that WE know best. It might even indicate that we think she's not a good mother at all. We have judged her based on what WE think is best. And, in all of this, we never asked, "How can I help?"
I remember working with an organization focused on helping homeless youth. Part of their efforts involved outreach. Trained volunteers walked the streets looking for those who might be in trouble. They carried green bags to identify themselves so that any fear of being approached was somewhat mitigated. The bags were filled with supplies that were typically needed along with information that would provide contacts for local groups willing to assist.
At the point of first-contact, volunteers for another organization asked homeless youth, "If I could do one thing to make your life a little easier today, what would it be?"
That question signifies respect for the person. It involves the giver and the receiver in a bi-directional discussion. When this transaction is accomplished, the gift being provided will be a gift that is needed.
Perhaps this situation with homelessness would never directly involve you. But the concept is something that can apply to each of us. Let me explain with this common example.
We respond to a request by some organization for money. We are willing to give but we decide how our gift should be used. We thereby attach strings to this gift.
- I seriously question whether any gift can be called by that name when it's accompanied by conditions.
- Additionally, this type of donation creates the wrong relationship. Our 'gift' creates obligations. If someone does that to us, I'm guessing the first words out of our mouths might be, "Thanks but NO thanks!"
- And let's not forget that we have disrespected and judged the receiver as we promote the concept of we-know-best.
Giving is good! Giving is good IF we consider the person on the receiving end. There are many ways to do harm if we fail to seek a relationship by asking questions. Solutions to any problem are best determined when conversations are open and honest between giver and receiver.
"And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." Hebrews 13:16
Additional comments:
1. The two organizations mentioned above are listed below in case a donation is on your heart during this season.
2. In a box somewhere, I have a copy of "When Helping Hurts" by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert. I think I'll look for this and read it again.
3. Maybe you'd indulge me as I reminisce about one more memory.
Many years ago, I created a fundraiser called Segway-Off-The-Streets on behalf of StandUp For Kids. How I wish this project had been hugely successful! The memory is about an article I wrote when the 'ride' made it to the southside of Chicago. Click to read the 1st Taste of the First Taste and other posts as well, should you wish. Towards the end of this article is a made-up story. This story kept me laser-focused on the reason for this endeavor.
"A 15-year old girl is living maybe not far from where you are right now. Well, “living” might be an exaggeration of sorts. She dumpster dives for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. She wanders the streets. She does unspeakable things for bare necessities. But maybe today, or tomorrow - someone meets her on the street and asks “If there was just one thing I could do for you today, what would it be?”.
And perhaps she answers, “I could use a pair of underwear. I don’t have any”.
Or “Could I have some clean, cold water?”
Maybe it's “Do you know where I could take a shower?”
Or even “I’d like to call my mom – could I do that?”.
And a small tear runs down her cheek. She’s never been asked if someone could do something for her without needing to “return the favor”. She’s never known that someone – a stranger even, could care about --- her! She tries to say thanks, but it’s weak. She looks at her feet because she isn’t even sure she knows how to say thanks.
But I know. And, in her place, I say “Thank you!” Because that person who is asking? Well, that person is there because of you.
I have to go now,
m"
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