“The kindest people are not born that way, they are made. They are the sounds that have experienced so much at the hands of life, they are the ones who have dug themselves out of the dark, who have fought to turn every loss into a lesson. The kindest people do not just exist – they choose to soften where circumstance has tried to harden them, they choose to believe in goodness because they have seen firsthand why compassion is so necessary. They have seen firsthand why tenderness is so important in this world.” – Bianca Sparacino
I think I’m guilty of the sin of expectation. I think it’s affected my struggle with judgment, with love, with just about any ideal I can think of. This quote explains a lot, at least for me.
“The kindest people are not born that way . . . “
For most of my life, I have expected people to be nice, helpful, considerate, generous, honest, truthful, and certainly kind. Can you hear the ‘You are wrong’ buzzer? I can.
As with many people, I have seen my use of the word, “toxic” increase. Where it was once applied to poisonous chemicals, it is now used for just about anything that seems harmful to us even if not deadly. Merriam-Webster declared this ‘Word of the Year’ for 2018.
But I am now considering abolishing this word from my vocabulary unless it directly reflects chemical harm. By injecting this word into discussions around relationships, work environments, culture, personalities, society, and politics this expression serves only to agitate and separate.
You might wonder how using this 5-letter word can cause so much trouble. Here are a few examples of personally proclaimed toxicity that came to me rather quickly.
- When the generosity of one becomes an entitlement for the other.
- When the gracious offer to fulfill an exception to the rule immediately becomes a new rule.
- When a single act of accommodation becomes someone’s expectation of the future.
- When extraordinary efforts become tomorrow’s yardstick.
- When a gift of accolade exists only to benefit the giver.
- When help is delayed pending audience praise for the helper.
- When a place of honor is granted to one only for celebrating the grantee.
- When excited conversation is muted for the benefit of scrolling.
- When results are obtained at the expense of people.
- When hurtful lies are justified, explained away, and allowed to continue.
- When the phrase, Trust me, becomes just another accepted prevarication.
- When anything can be factual because one person believes it is true.
- When respect can be earned and even celebrated by doing the wrong thing.
This list was compiled based on personal observations and feelings. The words and phrases have invited sadness and despair in a year where “Hope” has been dedicated as my “Word of the Year.”
We have entered the second half of 2024 and I need to reset. I need to review the inventory of phrases above for two purposes.
- I need to confirm that I am not the negative point of each sentence.
- I need to confirm that I am responding with kindness sans judgment when I find that another is the negative point in each sentence.
In other words, I need to teach myself kindness.
This could prove difficult. But if I consider that Jesus was talking to me in Matthew 16:23, I will find it easier. He reminded me to get back to where I belong.
“Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
He also said, “Follow Me.”
Today I will walk behind Him with clear-headed determination knowing that is where I belong. Maybe this childhood song will help as well.
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