Spend Wisely

Let’s play "What if."

What if:

On a Friday (scheduled to begin a finally-here-long weekend), you’re leaving the office. That used to be normal, but even if it’s not, let’s just pretend. As your co-worker runs by, you proclaim, “Have a great weekend!” However, she's quite frazzled because her boss just gave her a last-minute task that must be completed before leaving. You offer to turn around and help her finish thus allowing her to start her weekend just a little sooner. She accepts.

On Monday, you both return to work.  She seeks you out to let you know that she had a great weekend. She says quite clearly, “Thank you for staying to help me work on that task. Because of you, I had time to stop at the bakery and pick up a preordered birthday cake for my daughter and still make it home in time for the sleepover. I was afraid it would all need to be canceled and I am so grateful for your sacrifice.”

What if:

On a Friday (scheduled to begin a finally-here-long weekend), you’re leaving the office. Let’s say the scenario above is the same. But, instead of stopping to help, you rush out the door before she might just ask for help.

On Monday, both of you, return to work. You had a fabulous weekend. It turns out that your co-worker did not. A seven-year-old little girl was gravely disappointed.  Her single-parent mom worked too late on Friday to get her birthday cake and the invitees began to arrive only moments before she made it home. No cake then.

You’ve spent a good deal of the day avoiding any further conversation after you heard what happened and offered a mumbled, “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”

This past week, a couple of things happened. It would take some time to tell you about them, backstories and all, so I’ll just jump to the revelations.

In essence, one of the things produced a feeling of gratitude for a choice well-made and the other served an irritating notice that an apology was needed for that "other" choice. 

We might imagine that gratitude and repentance are coins. I have experienced these coins in a unique way this week. I have discovered that specifics have a lot to do with results in both gratitude and atonement.

The two sides of the Gratitude Coin.

• Take the first example where gratitude is expressed with a complete story. Her words were gushing with thankfulness and the story itself was immensely impactful.  You would have been pleased with what you offered and grateful to the One above that you had made this choice to help instead of running away. 
• However, she might have said, “Thanks for all you do.” With this (maybe heartfelt) expression, I am reasonably certain that the feelings received regarding your generous deed would be on the less-than-wow scale.

The two sides of the Atonement Coin.

• An apology that holds specifics is normally well received and creates a desire to forgive. 
• A generic, “I’m sorry about that” might leave you thinking less than happy thoughts and probably no desire at all to repair the damage.

In other words, being grateful “for everything” could be understood as being grateful for nothing. If it was not worth the time to express why you’re grateful, maybe it’s not worth the effort to mention it.

Correspondingly so, an apology “for everything I’ve done to harm you” is quite close to being understood as being sorry for absolutely nothing. It can be interpreted as, “You obviously know you should apologize but you’re not even sure what to apologize for. “ 

We live in a world of choice.  We live in a world where value is expanding and contracting with the tides of life. We live in a world where value is normally counted by the number of coins that we own. 

We can also live in a world where 'hidden' coins exist. They are valuable as well because they are spent reconciling with others, contributing to society, improving relationships, and increasing the worth of neighbors. 

When in a position to spend one of these coins, let's make it worth it to everyone.