The "Right" Discussion

Being 'right'. 

For most of us, this can be an uncomfortable and sticky conversation. But let's do it anyway.

An article was posted and hit my newsfeed today. My earliest reaction wished it had not.

The title reads, "I Texted My Friend For Years After She Died. Then I Received A 5-Word Reply That Left Me Shaken." (That's one wordy title if you ask me. But you won't because you already know how much I ramble.)

This posting is a true confession of sorts. I followed this writer into raw and painful emotions right alongside beautiful I-will-never-forget recollections. 

The totality of the essay was a little unnerving. Like most, I have been on this ride as well. But while engaging with the article, my thoughts found resolution in one direction - and then made a complete 180. Perhaps, at this point, you'd like to stop and share a warm cup of vacillation with me.

The Haunting Question. "If I had received the text messages, what would I have done?"

I started writing on Friday, a rare occurrence. I thought it best to immediately download and save any initial thoughts and impressions to 'paper' thus allowing them to percolate for a while before my self-imposed publishing deadline.

This is also the reason that I acquiesced to exploring the forbidden. It's not a hard and fast rule, but I have always cautioned myself to forgo reading audience-generated comments. In the past, I've always found ignorance, divisiveness, judgmentalism, and just plain stupidity within the they-must-not-know-their-words-are-online-forever opinions of readers. I'm not talking about a universal everybody here because some statements come from truly generous, compassionate, and empathetic people.

But today, I indulged because of the oscillating views mentioned above. I was curious what others thought. The comment section beckoned with the promise of revelation.

So, here's the thing. I'm not going to quote the article nor am I going to mention the individual public remarks. I'll let you do that for yourself. For your clicking pleasure, the link is included above.

I will let you know about the unexpected consequences of this experience, however.

• In my heart of hearts, I am fully convinced that I would have done the right thing.
• In the center of my rational being, I am also fully convinced that the opposite reaction is equally as 'right' as my own.

You'll ask how this could be possible and I will propose that the dichotomy is satisfied based on the experiences of both myself and well, the mule-headed. (Too harsh?)

I analyzed my reactions. I considered the reactions of dissenters. 

• I found both could be compassionate responses. 
• I found both could be based on a desire for the best outcome. 
• I found both to be - right.

I will note that several responses exhibited a dose of unnecessary cruelty. I'm not interested in absolving the written tone as some people can be simply, "bleep". 

I will also point out that certain opinions seem to have no bearing at all on the article itself. Others seem to want the conversation to wrap around themselves. That is the world we are in now.

But discounting the out-of-bounds replies, I see two separate legitimate responses. I have labeled them People Category 1 and 2.

People Category 1.  Filled with empathy, these individuals clearly understand the point of the article and have expressed unity and compassion with the writer. They are willing to continue to allow the once-in-a-while text from a stranger. They encourage what they see as an outlet for healing and peace for this stranger even though it costs them occasional interruptions. Some go even further and suggest that they are not only willing to respond but to be there in person for continued conversation.

People Category 2:  Filled with concern, those in this category understand the point of the article as well. They lean toward respectful boundaries. Their answer to the writer's dilemma is to discontinue what they might call a crutch. They encourage the writer to move forward by leaving this prop behind - immediately if not sooner. They believe the answer is to let go and move forward healthily. 

You might now see the reason for my indecisiveness - Yeah. Both could be right.

At this point, I believe that I know exactly how I would manage this in real life. My experiences are not yours. We will all make our determinations when asking the haunting question.

But discovering that it's possible that both ends of the spectrum could be exactly right is only half of the discovery. 

When reading the comments, I was struck by the tonalities used by responders. And this is where it does get sticky and uncomfortable. As with Michelin stars given to restaurants, it's not just the dish itself, but the presentation. 

If the right advice is brought forward couched in words of empathy, compassion, and love, it will probably be accepted and considered. If the exact same advice is spun up with words of superiority, derision, and judgment, it will probably be rejected while causing additional pain.

Today's piece indicates that both answers could be correct. This, of course, is my opinion. You might feel strongly that one of the People Categories is dead wrong. 

What I find interesting is not the right advice vs wrong debate. The captivating lesson for me was that in either case, as long as the reply was expressed with love and compassion, the guidance offered may matter not a bit. But the message heard by the receiver will be comforting and Jesus-like.