If I wanted to start a fight, all I would have to do is walk into a room of people and ask one question. You might think the question would matter greatly. Sadly, it does not.
Choose a topic, give an opinion, and the room (or your Facebook feed if that’s your venue) will light up with commentary, some of which will be quite unpleasant.
There was once a time when "debate" was a thing. It seemed to be a civilized way to manage differing viewpoints while taking time to listen to the other side. If it was a formal debate, the Affirmative and the Negative propositions were researched prior to the event. Each side presented their case without interruption, counterarguments were delivered, and a summation statement from each closed the debate.
A winning debater would be careful to show a presence with characteristics such as:
- Style
- Speed
- Tone
- Volume
- Confidence
A winning debater will also standout by:
- Being well-informed about the topic
- Focusing on the opponent’s case, not the opponent
- Presenting verifiable evidence
- Accurately convey the facts
- Genuinely engage with the audience.
A story.
Once upon a time, I visited a friend. We walked along the beach while discussing many things. I think we both spoke honestly and calmly. We enjoyed the company and the conversation. Stopping at a wine bar before we turned around to retrace our steps, we continued to engage with a lively and spontaneous exchange of ideas and topics.
Later in the evening, we were indoors with about a dozen other people who were not privy to our beach-walking conversation. Suddenly, I heard someone say, “Hey (name withheld). Did you know that Mike already voted for (name withheld)?"
I was a little bit shocked. I looked towards my partner-in-sand with a quizzical look on my face that said, “What? WHY did you say that?”
In response, I got a shrug and a head tilt showing a grinning face full of purposeful excitement and the anticipation of instigating trouble with this loaded question.
The ensuing explosion took only seconds as (name withheld) rocketed out of the chair verbalizing vitriol wrapped in profanities.
This was my first exposure to a political divide combined with violence.
The feeling of betrayal, of private information shared for the sole purpose of creating conflict, and of perhaps the destruction of friendships, hit me like a bus I never saw coming. The memory sometimes decides to replay this experience at odd moments even today. And although (name withheld) and I still talk on occasion, things have never been the same.
Despite the procession of the many years since that day, the ability to listen to each other and to debate while still being great friends has become strained and is withering rapidly now.
I am convinced that our culture has encouraged discord with every opportunity, and we have allowed situations that were once rare to become supremely widespread. A debate today is what we used to call a screaming match. There is no listening, only shouting as volume overtakes and suppresses the opinion of another. And with a great deal of pride, we congratulate ourselves on a successful win.
But this win comes with a great cost. We are the only ones who can decide how much of this cost we are willing to pay.
This certainly, is not the path of Jesus.
Although these two quotes from Ben Zander might not be accurately reflected in the above ruminations, they were the catalyst for today’s article.
“The conductor of an orchestra doesn’t make a sound. They depend, for their power, on the ability to make other people powerful.” | Ben Zander
“I realized that my job is to awaken possibility in others.” | Ben Zander
Of course, Mr. Zander isn’t the only one that provides guidance.
“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15
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