Failures, Eggs, and Children

Whiplash.  Again!

Forty-five minutes into today's article and I was thinking it was turning out pretty good. But then I stopped. When it no longer feels "right", it is time to move on. Bookshelf this one for another day, then.

This is not giving up. It's re-routing. It's turning around, I will compare this to the GPS as it starts whining when you make that wrong turn.  This technology allows for mistakes and will always continue serving destination-specific instructions. We will get where we need to go.

Sometimes, I think that's what happens here. My Guide speaks softly, "Not today. Go here instead." And the direction, even one in which I prefer NOT to travel, is clear. It is getting me where I NEED to go.

Knowing it will cause pain, I have been working on several technological changes. Replacing a 12-year old email address is horrible. Organizing and moving files and folders from one computer to another is gut-wrenching. And I gotta say, moving from Android to IOS?  Oh my!

But three things happened just yesterday.

• A friend from an attempted fund-raising effort sent a very encouraging LinkedIn message.
• A spiritual friend reached out and we had a mobile text catch-up session.
• An Acumen exercise for a story-telling class popped up when transferring files.

All three were related to a project called SOS2009; My attempt to ride a Segway from Rochester to Atlanta as a fundraiser for StandUp for Kids, Atlanta. What follows was written over 10 years ago.

Egg & I 

(Exercise with Acumen)

Real Estate Broker, COO, Salesperson.

The SHELL is white and perfectly shaped. Somewhat fragile, but I like it. The oval appears solid and dependable. Carelessness cracks shells. 

I am careful, then - Reserved. Private.

*

 Dad, Zayde, Son, Brother, Friend.

Expected, these. The ALBUMEN, clear and protective it nurtures life. Fluid, it constantly changes shape within the confines of the shell. This gelatinous solution comforts. I am stable. Secure.

*

 Volunteer, Entrepreneur, Writer.

The CENTER hides well this soul. Deep down in this place, I grasp being by doing. Here jubilation exists. But within this dollop of color, disappointment also finds a home.

*

Grow.
Be careless. 
Break this shell.

Allow whites to run free with yellow centers. Mix what could be with what is hidden. Create a place where brightness influences everything. Be careless – protection is not needed. Take this chance and expose this soul. Make every person, every occupation, every possibility - better.

Raising funds for homeless kids. Rescued children the dream. Impossible, the never dared before adventure ahead. With eighteen months of detailed planning, an endeavor is launching. Equipment acquired, connections made, routes mapped, the journey begins; Twelve hundred miles on a two-wheeled, self-balancing Segway. And it is happening - now.

A moment. 

Forward becomes skyward with an odor of asphalt. Straining for breath, lungs fail. 

Pain. 

One week of execution begets one month of recovery.

A crushing blow.

Failure of mission overrides physical pain.

Tear-dropping embarrassment soars for disenchanted believers.

Gut-wrenching realizations for the failed deliverance of a child who now must look skyward with disappointment much deeper than my own.

Still, hope stays to replace failure. Hope births a new idea: Responsible Referrals.

Whites and yolk remain mixed.

I have not given up.

* * *

Well now, I confess to feeling exposed to the nth degree by publishing that exercise. But I will comment that it was healing when I wrote it all those years ago. Author Karen Blixen was correct when she writes, "All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them." 

The memories still cut. The emotion is yet raw. The failure continues to haunt. And you have now read all about it. 

But here, I will thank you because, by reading, you have taken part in healing. I have not and will not give up. You have encouraged me in this resolve.

I think it is interesting that the new idea (Responsible Referrals) is now another failed idea.  And yet, the story continues with Sandals and a Stick.  

The point here relies on the truth that at times, we all fail.  We are all in pain during moments of our lives when dreams and even relationships shatter like glass.  And we are all faced with a choice - it's truly a binary choice as well.  We either choose to quit or we choose to pick up the pieces and move forward.  

We could point to several bible verses that teach us how to manage adversity. I'll leave you to discover them on your own.

Today I'm hearing one that might not be first on your list as I have never connected this with pushing forward either. Another interesting twist, perhaps.

"And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."  Matthew 18:3

While you are pondering this sudden left turn, consider how a child learns to walk, to talk, to figure things out on the road to becoming an adult.  Think about the mother and the father who encourage perseverance and who delight in the giddy emotions displayed as their child explores and discovers. 

A parent never says, "Give up, you'll never learn to walk." 

Adult figures never chastise the child for falling. Instead, the child is picked up with love and gently placed back on their feet.

I think our Father does the same thing. 

It's OK to fail. It might hurt, but face-plants in the dust happen. But, He's here.  He'll catch us, pick us up with love, and put us back on our feet. 

Let's change the internal narrative. When full of pain and disappointment, begin healing with the right story. Maybe you can imagine that you're a child of God - I sincerely hope so. Maybe you can picture Him bending over from great heights, gently picking you up from your circumstances and delicately putting you back on your feet with great joy.  

While you are imagining this new story, I am compelled to leave you for the comfort of Tylenol and a heating pad for my whiplash.